We will seek to overlook minor offenses (Prov. 19:11).
A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense.
Overlooking a minor offense is a deliberate decision to forgive an offense and not talk about it, dwell on it, or let it grow into pent-up bitterness or anger. If you decide to drop it then drop it. Don’t become “historical” (storing up wrongs done until a later time when we pour them out in anger/frustration).
We can do this because:
• We understand we have been forgiven much (Luke 7:47)
• The offense is one that does not affect our relationship or damage God’s or the person’s reputation.
For example we may choose to overlook (forgive) a person being late for a meeting. However if it gets to the point where it is affecting our relationship with that person (i.e. it is starting to “fester” inside us) or it is hindering their reputation (“_____ is always late, you really can’t count on them”) then you probably need to talk to the person (how we do that will come in a later point).
Other passages for further study:
• Prov. 17:14
• I Peter 4:8
• Eph. 4:2
• Col 3:13
As always, I would love any feedback you may have
Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Own your own "stuff"
We will each examine our own faults before focusing on what others may have done wrong (Matt. 7:3-5).
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
A few observations:
• The context of these verses is not judging (in the same way you judge others you will be judged)
• The problem is not seeing a fault (speck) in another, it is not owning our own faults (log)
• We need to own and deal with our stuff first before being concerned with others.
So how do we do this practically? Here are a few thoughts:
• A key question to prayerfully consider is “how have I contributed to this problem and what do I need to do to resolve it”. Said another way, “ How can I show Jesus work in me by taking responsibility for my contribution to this conflict” (Peacemaker p. 75). We need to lay aside our own anger and spend some significant time with the Lord asking Him to reveal anything we need to own (Ps. 139:23-24)
• It may be helpful to ask others who are aware of the problem and who are willing to speak the truth in love to help us with this (we are often blind to our own issues). If you do this, please be sure you let the other person know you want their honest feedback and be ready to receive it without being defensive.
• Be committed to owning and dealing with whatever is revealed by confessing to the Lord and the other person. I have found these Seven A’s of confession (Peacemaker Ministries) very Helpful:
1. Address everyone involved
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe
3. Admit specifically what you have done (actions & attitudes)
4. Acknowledge the hurt you caused
5. Accept the consequences
6. Alter your behavior
7. Ask for forgiveness (and allow time)
I recently had an opportunity to apply these principles and it really worked. I look forward to seeing what God does as we put these principles into practice.
As always I would love any thoughts and feedback you may have!
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
A few observations:
• The context of these verses is not judging (in the same way you judge others you will be judged)
• The problem is not seeing a fault (speck) in another, it is not owning our own faults (log)
• We need to own and deal with our stuff first before being concerned with others.
So how do we do this practically? Here are a few thoughts:
• A key question to prayerfully consider is “how have I contributed to this problem and what do I need to do to resolve it”. Said another way, “ How can I show Jesus work in me by taking responsibility for my contribution to this conflict” (Peacemaker p. 75). We need to lay aside our own anger and spend some significant time with the Lord asking Him to reveal anything we need to own (Ps. 139:23-24)
• It may be helpful to ask others who are aware of the problem and who are willing to speak the truth in love to help us with this (we are often blind to our own issues). If you do this, please be sure you let the other person know you want their honest feedback and be ready to receive it without being defensive.
• Be committed to owning and dealing with whatever is revealed by confessing to the Lord and the other person. I have found these Seven A’s of confession (Peacemaker Ministries) very Helpful:
1. Address everyone involved
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe
3. Admit specifically what you have done (actions & attitudes)
4. Acknowledge the hurt you caused
5. Accept the consequences
6. Alter your behavior
7. Ask for forgiveness (and allow time)
I recently had an opportunity to apply these principles and it really worked. I look forward to seeing what God does as we put these principles into practice.
As always I would love any thoughts and feedback you may have!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Believe The best
We will believe the best about others. (I Cor. 13:4-7)
Believing the best about others is rooted in how God views us and the belief that He is at work in the lives of others as well as our own. Because His love for us bears all things and believes all things (I Cor. 13:7) we can have this same kind of love for one another. So what does this look like in action? Here are a few thoughts:
It is not
• The power of positive thinking
• Closing our eyes to real problems that may exist
• Overlooking areas where God may want us to confront or “gently restore” (Gal 6:1)
It is
• Understanding and being OK with the fact that that we are all “in process” in our growth/ development. This allows us to be patient with others as God is patient with us. It is giving ourselves and others freedom to fail.
• Seeking to understand another person’s situation. Max Lucado tells a story of being on a subway with a man and some young kids who were whiny and misbehaving and feeling judgmental towards the Dad until he found out that they were on their way home from the spouse/ mother’s funeral. He said his perspective changed quickly once he knew their circumstances
• Having “good will” towards others. Good will is about giving one another the benefit of the doubt.
• Not questioning others’ motives, but believing that they have our best interests in mind. This may mean not getting defensive if others offer some critique of us. It involves stepping back saying ____ loves God and cares about me, there must be a good reason he said what he did. It is looking for the kernel of truth in any situation.
This list is obviously not exhaustive. Give this a try, see what happens. Let me know what you think.
Believing the best about others is rooted in how God views us and the belief that He is at work in the lives of others as well as our own. Because His love for us bears all things and believes all things (I Cor. 13:7) we can have this same kind of love for one another. So what does this look like in action? Here are a few thoughts:
It is not
• The power of positive thinking
• Closing our eyes to real problems that may exist
• Overlooking areas where God may want us to confront or “gently restore” (Gal 6:1)
It is
• Understanding and being OK with the fact that that we are all “in process” in our growth/ development. This allows us to be patient with others as God is patient with us. It is giving ourselves and others freedom to fail.
• Seeking to understand another person’s situation. Max Lucado tells a story of being on a subway with a man and some young kids who were whiny and misbehaving and feeling judgmental towards the Dad until he found out that they were on their way home from the spouse/ mother’s funeral. He said his perspective changed quickly once he knew their circumstances
• Having “good will” towards others. Good will is about giving one another the benefit of the doubt.
• Not questioning others’ motives, but believing that they have our best interests in mind. This may mean not getting defensive if others offer some critique of us. It involves stepping back saying ____ loves God and cares about me, there must be a good reason he said what he did. It is looking for the kernel of truth in any situation.
This list is obviously not exhaustive. Give this a try, see what happens. Let me know what you think.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Encouraging one another
We will actively seek to encourage and build others up (Hebr. 10:25; I Thes. 5:11)
This involves intentional effort on our part. What encourages and builds up? This will vary for every person, but here are a few thoughts from a message I gave a while back:
• Affirm people for who they are and what they do
• Notes, emails, quick phone calls ( to say thanks, to let someone know you appreciate them or simply that you were thinking about them)
• Honesty. “I have needed honest Christians to inspire me with their transparent lives, to encourage me to be honest when I am struggling.”
• Allow people to struggle. “Sometimes a person doesn't want to hear anything from us they want us to listen, they just want a caring, loving shoulder to cry on, sometimes we don't want it fixed, we just want to be heard.”
• Be there for people (support, physically, emotionally, financially, etc.)
• Personal and sincere involvement
• Create a welcoming environment that says “I am glad you are here”
• Pray for and with people
This list is obviously not exhaustive, but as we continue to put these things into practice I think God will continue the good work He is doing in our midst.
As always, I would love any thoughts or feedback you may have.
This involves intentional effort on our part. What encourages and builds up? This will vary for every person, but here are a few thoughts from a message I gave a while back:
• Affirm people for who they are and what they do
• Notes, emails, quick phone calls ( to say thanks, to let someone know you appreciate them or simply that you were thinking about them)
• Honesty. “I have needed honest Christians to inspire me with their transparent lives, to encourage me to be honest when I am struggling.”
• Allow people to struggle. “Sometimes a person doesn't want to hear anything from us they want us to listen, they just want a caring, loving shoulder to cry on, sometimes we don't want it fixed, we just want to be heard.”
• Be there for people (support, physically, emotionally, financially, etc.)
• Personal and sincere involvement
• Create a welcoming environment that says “I am glad you are here”
• Pray for and with people
This list is obviously not exhaustive, but as we continue to put these things into practice I think God will continue the good work He is doing in our midst.
As always, I would love any thoughts or feedback you may have.
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