If an offense is too serious to overlook, or if we think someone may have something against us, we will go promptly to seek reconciliation.
“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift”. (Mt. 5:23-24)
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother”. (Mt. 18:15)
Wow, this can be challenging. Why should we initiate reconciliation with someone even if we don’t want to? There are several reasons:
• God commands it (notice it doesn’t say only go if you are at fault, either way we are to seek reconciliation).
• Jesus reputation and our witness to others is affected by the peace and unity we have with other believers ( John 13:35, 17: 20-23).
• It demonstrates love for your brother. If they have anger or resentment towards you it will not only hinder their relationship with you but with God (Eph. 4:3-31).
• It is a good way to live out “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Rom. 12:18).
Reconciliation does need both parties cooperation, and we are to pursue it, but the only person we really have control over is ourselves. Living out this principle ensures we are doing our part. Living with tension between you and another person can rob your joy, hinder your relationship with God, destroy your witness, and even affect your health. Do all you can to seek reconciliation with others. Next week we will talk about how to approach someone.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Forgiving Others
If an offense is too serious to overlook, we will forgive as Christ forgave us; freely offering forgiveness and granting it when others repent (Eph 4:32)
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
So how does God in Christ forgive us? I know this is a little longer than what I usually communicate, but I think that part of what was communicated in our training last spring is helpful.
What is forgiveness?
• Forgiveness is an act of will, not a feeling.
• Forgiveness is actively deciding not to think or talk about what others have done to hurt us; it is not passively forgetting.
• Forgiveness says, “We both know that what you did was wrong and without excuse. But since God has forgiven me, I forgive you.” Forgiveness is not excusing.
• Forgiveness does not deny or minimize the hurt.
Forgiveness is a Decision, it is a choice to cancel debt owed/release someone from liability to suffer punishment or penalty (including penalty of being separated from us).
Forgiveness may be described as a decision to make these four promises:
• I will not dwell on this incident.
• I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.
• I will not talk to others about this incident.
• I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.
When Should You Forgive?
We are always to offer forgiveness as God modeled forgiveness of us. He freely offers us forgiveness not based on anything we have done to earn it, and He grants it when we turn to Him in faith (repent). God freely offers forgiveness in order that our relationship might be restored with him. God’s forgiveness is available, but at a very high cost, the death of His own son. Likewise, we are to offer forgiveness, desiring a restored relationship with others, being willing to incur whatever the cost, to make it happen. Jesus said, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him” (Luke 17:3). We need to pray for those who sin against us, that they will repent, accept our forgiveness, and that we will enjoy a restored relationship with them.
This material is taken from Ken Sande’s book The Peacemaker I would strongly recommend reading chapter 10 on forgiveness.
As always, I would love any feedback you may have!
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
So how does God in Christ forgive us? I know this is a little longer than what I usually communicate, but I think that part of what was communicated in our training last spring is helpful.
What is forgiveness?
• Forgiveness is an act of will, not a feeling.
• Forgiveness is actively deciding not to think or talk about what others have done to hurt us; it is not passively forgetting.
• Forgiveness says, “We both know that what you did was wrong and without excuse. But since God has forgiven me, I forgive you.” Forgiveness is not excusing.
• Forgiveness does not deny or minimize the hurt.
Forgiveness is a Decision, it is a choice to cancel debt owed/release someone from liability to suffer punishment or penalty (including penalty of being separated from us).
Forgiveness may be described as a decision to make these four promises:
• I will not dwell on this incident.
• I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.
• I will not talk to others about this incident.
• I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.
When Should You Forgive?
We are always to offer forgiveness as God modeled forgiveness of us. He freely offers us forgiveness not based on anything we have done to earn it, and He grants it when we turn to Him in faith (repent). God freely offers forgiveness in order that our relationship might be restored with him. God’s forgiveness is available, but at a very high cost, the death of His own son. Likewise, we are to offer forgiveness, desiring a restored relationship with others, being willing to incur whatever the cost, to make it happen. Jesus said, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him” (Luke 17:3). We need to pray for those who sin against us, that they will repent, accept our forgiveness, and that we will enjoy a restored relationship with them.
This material is taken from Ken Sande’s book The Peacemaker I would strongly recommend reading chapter 10 on forgiveness.
As always, I would love any feedback you may have!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Overlook a minor offense
We will seek to overlook minor offenses (Prov. 19:11).
A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense.
Overlooking a minor offense is a deliberate decision to forgive an offense and not talk about it, dwell on it, or let it grow into pent-up bitterness or anger. If you decide to drop it then drop it. Don’t become “historical” (storing up wrongs done until a later time when we pour them out in anger/frustration).
We can do this because:
• We understand we have been forgiven much (Luke 7:47)
• The offense is one that does not affect our relationship or damage God’s or the person’s reputation.
For example we may choose to overlook (forgive) a person being late for a meeting. However if it gets to the point where it is affecting our relationship with that person (i.e. it is starting to “fester” inside us) or it is hindering their reputation (“_____ is always late, you really can’t count on them”) then you probably need to talk to the person (how we do that will come in a later point).
Other passages for further study:
• Prov. 17:14
• I Peter 4:8
• Eph. 4:2
• Col 3:13
As always, I would love any feedback you may have
A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense.
Overlooking a minor offense is a deliberate decision to forgive an offense and not talk about it, dwell on it, or let it grow into pent-up bitterness or anger. If you decide to drop it then drop it. Don’t become “historical” (storing up wrongs done until a later time when we pour them out in anger/frustration).
We can do this because:
• We understand we have been forgiven much (Luke 7:47)
• The offense is one that does not affect our relationship or damage God’s or the person’s reputation.
For example we may choose to overlook (forgive) a person being late for a meeting. However if it gets to the point where it is affecting our relationship with that person (i.e. it is starting to “fester” inside us) or it is hindering their reputation (“_____ is always late, you really can’t count on them”) then you probably need to talk to the person (how we do that will come in a later point).
Other passages for further study:
• Prov. 17:14
• I Peter 4:8
• Eph. 4:2
• Col 3:13
As always, I would love any feedback you may have
Monday, November 23, 2009
Own your own "stuff"
We will each examine our own faults before focusing on what others may have done wrong (Matt. 7:3-5).
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
A few observations:
• The context of these verses is not judging (in the same way you judge others you will be judged)
• The problem is not seeing a fault (speck) in another, it is not owning our own faults (log)
• We need to own and deal with our stuff first before being concerned with others.
So how do we do this practically? Here are a few thoughts:
• A key question to prayerfully consider is “how have I contributed to this problem and what do I need to do to resolve it”. Said another way, “ How can I show Jesus work in me by taking responsibility for my contribution to this conflict” (Peacemaker p. 75). We need to lay aside our own anger and spend some significant time with the Lord asking Him to reveal anything we need to own (Ps. 139:23-24)
• It may be helpful to ask others who are aware of the problem and who are willing to speak the truth in love to help us with this (we are often blind to our own issues). If you do this, please be sure you let the other person know you want their honest feedback and be ready to receive it without being defensive.
• Be committed to owning and dealing with whatever is revealed by confessing to the Lord and the other person. I have found these Seven A’s of confession (Peacemaker Ministries) very Helpful:
1. Address everyone involved
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe
3. Admit specifically what you have done (actions & attitudes)
4. Acknowledge the hurt you caused
5. Accept the consequences
6. Alter your behavior
7. Ask for forgiveness (and allow time)
I recently had an opportunity to apply these principles and it really worked. I look forward to seeing what God does as we put these principles into practice.
As always I would love any thoughts and feedback you may have!
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
A few observations:
• The context of these verses is not judging (in the same way you judge others you will be judged)
• The problem is not seeing a fault (speck) in another, it is not owning our own faults (log)
• We need to own and deal with our stuff first before being concerned with others.
So how do we do this practically? Here are a few thoughts:
• A key question to prayerfully consider is “how have I contributed to this problem and what do I need to do to resolve it”. Said another way, “ How can I show Jesus work in me by taking responsibility for my contribution to this conflict” (Peacemaker p. 75). We need to lay aside our own anger and spend some significant time with the Lord asking Him to reveal anything we need to own (Ps. 139:23-24)
• It may be helpful to ask others who are aware of the problem and who are willing to speak the truth in love to help us with this (we are often blind to our own issues). If you do this, please be sure you let the other person know you want their honest feedback and be ready to receive it without being defensive.
• Be committed to owning and dealing with whatever is revealed by confessing to the Lord and the other person. I have found these Seven A’s of confession (Peacemaker Ministries) very Helpful:
1. Address everyone involved
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe
3. Admit specifically what you have done (actions & attitudes)
4. Acknowledge the hurt you caused
5. Accept the consequences
6. Alter your behavior
7. Ask for forgiveness (and allow time)
I recently had an opportunity to apply these principles and it really worked. I look forward to seeing what God does as we put these principles into practice.
As always I would love any thoughts and feedback you may have!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Believe The best
We will believe the best about others. (I Cor. 13:4-7)
Believing the best about others is rooted in how God views us and the belief that He is at work in the lives of others as well as our own. Because His love for us bears all things and believes all things (I Cor. 13:7) we can have this same kind of love for one another. So what does this look like in action? Here are a few thoughts:
It is not
• The power of positive thinking
• Closing our eyes to real problems that may exist
• Overlooking areas where God may want us to confront or “gently restore” (Gal 6:1)
It is
• Understanding and being OK with the fact that that we are all “in process” in our growth/ development. This allows us to be patient with others as God is patient with us. It is giving ourselves and others freedom to fail.
• Seeking to understand another person’s situation. Max Lucado tells a story of being on a subway with a man and some young kids who were whiny and misbehaving and feeling judgmental towards the Dad until he found out that they were on their way home from the spouse/ mother’s funeral. He said his perspective changed quickly once he knew their circumstances
• Having “good will” towards others. Good will is about giving one another the benefit of the doubt.
• Not questioning others’ motives, but believing that they have our best interests in mind. This may mean not getting defensive if others offer some critique of us. It involves stepping back saying ____ loves God and cares about me, there must be a good reason he said what he did. It is looking for the kernel of truth in any situation.
This list is obviously not exhaustive. Give this a try, see what happens. Let me know what you think.
Believing the best about others is rooted in how God views us and the belief that He is at work in the lives of others as well as our own. Because His love for us bears all things and believes all things (I Cor. 13:7) we can have this same kind of love for one another. So what does this look like in action? Here are a few thoughts:
It is not
• The power of positive thinking
• Closing our eyes to real problems that may exist
• Overlooking areas where God may want us to confront or “gently restore” (Gal 6:1)
It is
• Understanding and being OK with the fact that that we are all “in process” in our growth/ development. This allows us to be patient with others as God is patient with us. It is giving ourselves and others freedom to fail.
• Seeking to understand another person’s situation. Max Lucado tells a story of being on a subway with a man and some young kids who were whiny and misbehaving and feeling judgmental towards the Dad until he found out that they were on their way home from the spouse/ mother’s funeral. He said his perspective changed quickly once he knew their circumstances
• Having “good will” towards others. Good will is about giving one another the benefit of the doubt.
• Not questioning others’ motives, but believing that they have our best interests in mind. This may mean not getting defensive if others offer some critique of us. It involves stepping back saying ____ loves God and cares about me, there must be a good reason he said what he did. It is looking for the kernel of truth in any situation.
This list is obviously not exhaustive. Give this a try, see what happens. Let me know what you think.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Encouraging one another
We will actively seek to encourage and build others up (Hebr. 10:25; I Thes. 5:11)
This involves intentional effort on our part. What encourages and builds up? This will vary for every person, but here are a few thoughts from a message I gave a while back:
• Affirm people for who they are and what they do
• Notes, emails, quick phone calls ( to say thanks, to let someone know you appreciate them or simply that you were thinking about them)
• Honesty. “I have needed honest Christians to inspire me with their transparent lives, to encourage me to be honest when I am struggling.”
• Allow people to struggle. “Sometimes a person doesn't want to hear anything from us they want us to listen, they just want a caring, loving shoulder to cry on, sometimes we don't want it fixed, we just want to be heard.”
• Be there for people (support, physically, emotionally, financially, etc.)
• Personal and sincere involvement
• Create a welcoming environment that says “I am glad you are here”
• Pray for and with people
This list is obviously not exhaustive, but as we continue to put these things into practice I think God will continue the good work He is doing in our midst.
As always, I would love any thoughts or feedback you may have.
This involves intentional effort on our part. What encourages and builds up? This will vary for every person, but here are a few thoughts from a message I gave a while back:
• Affirm people for who they are and what they do
• Notes, emails, quick phone calls ( to say thanks, to let someone know you appreciate them or simply that you were thinking about them)
• Honesty. “I have needed honest Christians to inspire me with their transparent lives, to encourage me to be honest when I am struggling.”
• Allow people to struggle. “Sometimes a person doesn't want to hear anything from us they want us to listen, they just want a caring, loving shoulder to cry on, sometimes we don't want it fixed, we just want to be heard.”
• Be there for people (support, physically, emotionally, financially, etc.)
• Personal and sincere involvement
• Create a welcoming environment that says “I am glad you are here”
• Pray for and with people
This list is obviously not exhaustive, but as we continue to put these things into practice I think God will continue the good work He is doing in our midst.
As always, I would love any thoughts or feedback you may have.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Letting God Love you
I really want this to be practical and not theoretical so here are some additional thoughts. We let God love us when:
- We stop trying to punish ourselves for things from our past (they have been forgiven and forgotten by God)
- We stop thinking that God is angry with us. He is not, He delights in us!
- We stop thinking God is up in heaven keeping score of all the good and bad we do and that we can only approach Him if our good outweighs our bad. We can boldly approach the throne of Grace because of what Jesus has done for us (Hebr. 4: 14-16).
- We come to him with our hurts and problems, even if we feel distant.
- We reject the lie that we are not worthy of His love. we are worthy because He has declared us so (again it is not based on anything we have done).
I would love to know specific ways you let God love you.
May we all swim and frolic around in the ocean of God's love.
Monday, August 31, 2009
On being a witness
So why is it so difficult to be a witness. I am convinced that a big part of it is that we have become convinced by the enemy that the Gospel is not good news. If we are convinced that it is good news we will naturally want to share it, and yet we are somehow afraid that we will offend someone with this news. The Gospel can be offensive in that it is narrow (Jesus I am the way...) and it is not something we can earn (we are a proud people and don't like the fact that there is nothing we can do to make ourselves acceptable to God in our own efforts), but it is still good news.
The other thing that can hold us back is the response we may get. This morning I was doing some study in John 1 and was reminded that even though Jesus is the true light coming into the world, that the world did not know Him. Not because He was in any way hidden, but because people have been spiritually blinded because of sin. I pray that we will see people like Jesus does, with eyes of compassion.
Please let me know how your journey towards being a witness to the good news is going!
The other thing that can hold us back is the response we may get. This morning I was doing some study in John 1 and was reminded that even though Jesus is the true light coming into the world, that the world did not know Him. Not because He was in any way hidden, but because people have been spiritually blinded because of sin. I pray that we will see people like Jesus does, with eyes of compassion.
Please let me know how your journey towards being a witness to the good news is going!
Monday, August 24, 2009
I can't believe I'm doing this!
Well, I guess you can teach an old dog (careful now, I know what you are thinking) new tricks. I have been thinking about a way to interact about what God is doing in our church and it really does seem like this is an easy way to do so. So here goes...
I was talking to someone after church yesterday about entrusting our lives to a loving, powerful God who has our best interests in mind and they said "it seems simple, but I can't see God, how do I know I can trust Him". This is a valid point and it sent us off on a conversation about the need to get to know who God is so that we can trust Him fully with or lives. It really us a spiral, the more we come to know God the more we can trust Him and the more we trust Him the more we find out who He is. Taking small steps of faith help us to know that God is faithful. he can be trusted. I guess that is what I wanted to communicate yesterday is let's see if we can choose to trust/walk with God one day at a time and see what He does. I look forward to hearing from you.
One other thought. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and I had been dreaming about people I had invested in over the course of my life. s I tried to get back to sleep my mind was racing and so I decided to get up and journal some of my thoughts. I won't bore you with all I wrote, but the main thought was this. Changed lives change lives. One of the biggest evidences of God's work in our life is a willingness to pass it on to others. As we do, we tend to grow in our faith as a result of giving it away to others. Luke 6:38 talks about give and it will be given to you... the context is loving your enemies and specifically forgiveness, but I think the principle applies in a lot of areas of life.
Anyway, obviously I am kind of knew at this, but if you have taken the time to read this I would love to hear any thoughts you may have.
Keith
I was talking to someone after church yesterday about entrusting our lives to a loving, powerful God who has our best interests in mind and they said "it seems simple, but I can't see God, how do I know I can trust Him". This is a valid point and it sent us off on a conversation about the need to get to know who God is so that we can trust Him fully with or lives. It really us a spiral, the more we come to know God the more we can trust Him and the more we trust Him the more we find out who He is. Taking small steps of faith help us to know that God is faithful. he can be trusted. I guess that is what I wanted to communicate yesterday is let's see if we can choose to trust/walk with God one day at a time and see what He does. I look forward to hearing from you.
One other thought. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and I had been dreaming about people I had invested in over the course of my life. s I tried to get back to sleep my mind was racing and so I decided to get up and journal some of my thoughts. I won't bore you with all I wrote, but the main thought was this. Changed lives change lives. One of the biggest evidences of God's work in our life is a willingness to pass it on to others. As we do, we tend to grow in our faith as a result of giving it away to others. Luke 6:38 talks about give and it will be given to you... the context is loving your enemies and specifically forgiveness, but I think the principle applies in a lot of areas of life.
Anyway, obviously I am kind of knew at this, but if you have taken the time to read this I would love to hear any thoughts you may have.
Keith
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