"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3-4)
As Christ considered our interests above his own, we will also endeavor to look out for others’ interests.
What could this look like?
• Go up to and introduce yourself to people you don’t know
• Anticipate needs and offer to help without being asked
• Be quick to listen and slow to speak
• Take time out of a busy day to call others to see how they are doing
• Go to church with the attitude of "what can I do for the body" rather than" what can the body do for me."
• Admit when I am wrong to others in the church rather than protecting my reputation.
• Offer to baby sit for free so a couple can have a date night
• Be willing to sacrifice, be inconvenienced, or take a risk, for others.
• Become a member of the church body, not for your own benefit, but for the benefit of others
• Make a meal for someone who is in need
• Be on time for the service
• Alter your preferred method of communication so that you can better connect with others. For example if you are used to beating around the bush in your communication style and you know the other person wants you to be direct, you can step out of your comfort zone (putting their needs above your own) and be more direct (or visa versa).
What other ideas do you have? I would love to know.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Down with gossip
We will refrain from all gossip, backbiting and slander (Eph. 4:29). If any of us has a problem with others, we will talk to them, not about them. We will not listen to gossip, but will encourage others to speak directly with those with whom they have a concern.
At times in Christian circles we can joke around about gossip, but it is dangerous. It can destroy trust and relationships.
What is Gossip?
To gossip means to betray a confidence or to discuss unfavorable personal facts about another person with someone who is not part of the problem or its solution (Peacemaker). It is passing on information that you don’t need to. It could be rue or false. I does not need to involve malicious intent.
What does scripture say?
• A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends (Prov. 16:28).
• Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down (Prov. 26:20).
• A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret. (Prov. 11:12-13)
• A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much. (Prov. 20:19)
What should I do if someone starts to gossip to me?
• Stop the person and ask if they have talked to the person they are talking to you about. If not encourage them to go to the person. Offer to go with them if that would help.
• Ask why they are telling you this information, if you are not part of the problem or the solution politely stop the other person and tell them you don’t feel comfortable with what they are telling you.
As always, I would love any feedback you may have!
At times in Christian circles we can joke around about gossip, but it is dangerous. It can destroy trust and relationships.
What is Gossip?
To gossip means to betray a confidence or to discuss unfavorable personal facts about another person with someone who is not part of the problem or its solution (Peacemaker). It is passing on information that you don’t need to. It could be rue or false. I does not need to involve malicious intent.
What does scripture say?
• A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends (Prov. 16:28).
• Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down (Prov. 26:20).
• A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret. (Prov. 11:12-13)
• A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much. (Prov. 20:19)
What should I do if someone starts to gossip to me?
• Stop the person and ask if they have talked to the person they are talking to you about. If not encourage them to go to the person. Offer to go with them if that would help.
• Ask why they are telling you this information, if you are not part of the problem or the solution politely stop the other person and tell them you don’t feel comfortable with what they are telling you.
As always, I would love any feedback you may have!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Gently Restore
When we offer words of correction to others, we will do so graciously and gently, with the goal of serving and restoring them.
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted”. (Gal 6:1)
“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing”. (Prov. 12:18)
The goal of correction is always restoration (not blasting). It should always be done graciously and gently (not harsh or vindictive). Here are some things to consider before gently correcting:
• Does it need to be confronted? ( dishonoring God, damage our relationship, hurting self or other people)
• Am I the right person (i.e. do I have the right motives, have I examined myself, is there someone closer to the situation who would be better to lovingly confront)?
• Is it the right time?
• Am I willing to see this through ( if our goal is restoration, then it may involve a process not just a “one and done” approach)
If you answer yes to these questions here are some things to consider about how to go about gently correcting:
• Pray for humility and wisdom
• Talk in person whenever possible (choose time and place carefully)
• Acknowledge your own faults and ask for forgiveness
• Perhaps ask “have I done something to offend you”? and then don’t be defensive, acknowledge what they say (even if you don’t agree with them).
• Use I statements when appropriate
• State objective facts rather than personal opinions
• Offer solutions and preferences that may help them. For example, “in the future when… it would be helpful if you…”
• Use scripture carefully and tactfully (not as a club to beat people over the head).
As always, I would love any feedback you may have!
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted”. (Gal 6:1)
“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing”. (Prov. 12:18)
The goal of correction is always restoration (not blasting). It should always be done graciously and gently (not harsh or vindictive). Here are some things to consider before gently correcting:
• Does it need to be confronted? ( dishonoring God, damage our relationship, hurting self or other people)
• Am I the right person (i.e. do I have the right motives, have I examined myself, is there someone closer to the situation who would be better to lovingly confront)?
• Is it the right time?
• Am I willing to see this through ( if our goal is restoration, then it may involve a process not just a “one and done” approach)
If you answer yes to these questions here are some things to consider about how to go about gently correcting:
• Pray for humility and wisdom
• Talk in person whenever possible (choose time and place carefully)
• Acknowledge your own faults and ask for forgiveness
• Perhaps ask “have I done something to offend you”? and then don’t be defensive, acknowledge what they say (even if you don’t agree with them).
• Use I statements when appropriate
• State objective facts rather than personal opinions
• Offer solutions and preferences that may help them. For example, “in the future when… it would be helpful if you…”
• Use scripture carefully and tactfully (not as a club to beat people over the head).
As always, I would love any feedback you may have!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Seeking Reconciliation
If an offense is too serious to overlook, or if we think someone may have something against us, we will go promptly to seek reconciliation.
“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift”. (Mt. 5:23-24)
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother”. (Mt. 18:15)
Wow, this can be challenging. Why should we initiate reconciliation with someone even if we don’t want to? There are several reasons:
• God commands it (notice it doesn’t say only go if you are at fault, either way we are to seek reconciliation).
• Jesus reputation and our witness to others is affected by the peace and unity we have with other believers ( John 13:35, 17: 20-23).
• It demonstrates love for your brother. If they have anger or resentment towards you it will not only hinder their relationship with you but with God (Eph. 4:3-31).
• It is a good way to live out “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Rom. 12:18).
Reconciliation does need both parties cooperation, and we are to pursue it, but the only person we really have control over is ourselves. Living out this principle ensures we are doing our part. Living with tension between you and another person can rob your joy, hinder your relationship with God, destroy your witness, and even affect your health. Do all you can to seek reconciliation with others. Next week we will talk about how to approach someone.
“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift”. (Mt. 5:23-24)
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother”. (Mt. 18:15)
Wow, this can be challenging. Why should we initiate reconciliation with someone even if we don’t want to? There are several reasons:
• God commands it (notice it doesn’t say only go if you are at fault, either way we are to seek reconciliation).
• Jesus reputation and our witness to others is affected by the peace and unity we have with other believers ( John 13:35, 17: 20-23).
• It demonstrates love for your brother. If they have anger or resentment towards you it will not only hinder their relationship with you but with God (Eph. 4:3-31).
• It is a good way to live out “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Rom. 12:18).
Reconciliation does need both parties cooperation, and we are to pursue it, but the only person we really have control over is ourselves. Living out this principle ensures we are doing our part. Living with tension between you and another person can rob your joy, hinder your relationship with God, destroy your witness, and even affect your health. Do all you can to seek reconciliation with others. Next week we will talk about how to approach someone.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Forgiving Others
If an offense is too serious to overlook, we will forgive as Christ forgave us; freely offering forgiveness and granting it when others repent (Eph 4:32)
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
So how does God in Christ forgive us? I know this is a little longer than what I usually communicate, but I think that part of what was communicated in our training last spring is helpful.
What is forgiveness?
• Forgiveness is an act of will, not a feeling.
• Forgiveness is actively deciding not to think or talk about what others have done to hurt us; it is not passively forgetting.
• Forgiveness says, “We both know that what you did was wrong and without excuse. But since God has forgiven me, I forgive you.” Forgiveness is not excusing.
• Forgiveness does not deny or minimize the hurt.
Forgiveness is a Decision, it is a choice to cancel debt owed/release someone from liability to suffer punishment or penalty (including penalty of being separated from us).
Forgiveness may be described as a decision to make these four promises:
• I will not dwell on this incident.
• I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.
• I will not talk to others about this incident.
• I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.
When Should You Forgive?
We are always to offer forgiveness as God modeled forgiveness of us. He freely offers us forgiveness not based on anything we have done to earn it, and He grants it when we turn to Him in faith (repent). God freely offers forgiveness in order that our relationship might be restored with him. God’s forgiveness is available, but at a very high cost, the death of His own son. Likewise, we are to offer forgiveness, desiring a restored relationship with others, being willing to incur whatever the cost, to make it happen. Jesus said, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him” (Luke 17:3). We need to pray for those who sin against us, that they will repent, accept our forgiveness, and that we will enjoy a restored relationship with them.
This material is taken from Ken Sande’s book The Peacemaker I would strongly recommend reading chapter 10 on forgiveness.
As always, I would love any feedback you may have!
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
So how does God in Christ forgive us? I know this is a little longer than what I usually communicate, but I think that part of what was communicated in our training last spring is helpful.
What is forgiveness?
• Forgiveness is an act of will, not a feeling.
• Forgiveness is actively deciding not to think or talk about what others have done to hurt us; it is not passively forgetting.
• Forgiveness says, “We both know that what you did was wrong and without excuse. But since God has forgiven me, I forgive you.” Forgiveness is not excusing.
• Forgiveness does not deny or minimize the hurt.
Forgiveness is a Decision, it is a choice to cancel debt owed/release someone from liability to suffer punishment or penalty (including penalty of being separated from us).
Forgiveness may be described as a decision to make these four promises:
• I will not dwell on this incident.
• I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.
• I will not talk to others about this incident.
• I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.
When Should You Forgive?
We are always to offer forgiveness as God modeled forgiveness of us. He freely offers us forgiveness not based on anything we have done to earn it, and He grants it when we turn to Him in faith (repent). God freely offers forgiveness in order that our relationship might be restored with him. God’s forgiveness is available, but at a very high cost, the death of His own son. Likewise, we are to offer forgiveness, desiring a restored relationship with others, being willing to incur whatever the cost, to make it happen. Jesus said, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him” (Luke 17:3). We need to pray for those who sin against us, that they will repent, accept our forgiveness, and that we will enjoy a restored relationship with them.
This material is taken from Ken Sande’s book The Peacemaker I would strongly recommend reading chapter 10 on forgiveness.
As always, I would love any feedback you may have!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Overlook a minor offense
We will seek to overlook minor offenses (Prov. 19:11).
A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense.
Overlooking a minor offense is a deliberate decision to forgive an offense and not talk about it, dwell on it, or let it grow into pent-up bitterness or anger. If you decide to drop it then drop it. Don’t become “historical” (storing up wrongs done until a later time when we pour them out in anger/frustration).
We can do this because:
• We understand we have been forgiven much (Luke 7:47)
• The offense is one that does not affect our relationship or damage God’s or the person’s reputation.
For example we may choose to overlook (forgive) a person being late for a meeting. However if it gets to the point where it is affecting our relationship with that person (i.e. it is starting to “fester” inside us) or it is hindering their reputation (“_____ is always late, you really can’t count on them”) then you probably need to talk to the person (how we do that will come in a later point).
Other passages for further study:
• Prov. 17:14
• I Peter 4:8
• Eph. 4:2
• Col 3:13
As always, I would love any feedback you may have
A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense.
Overlooking a minor offense is a deliberate decision to forgive an offense and not talk about it, dwell on it, or let it grow into pent-up bitterness or anger. If you decide to drop it then drop it. Don’t become “historical” (storing up wrongs done until a later time when we pour them out in anger/frustration).
We can do this because:
• We understand we have been forgiven much (Luke 7:47)
• The offense is one that does not affect our relationship or damage God’s or the person’s reputation.
For example we may choose to overlook (forgive) a person being late for a meeting. However if it gets to the point where it is affecting our relationship with that person (i.e. it is starting to “fester” inside us) or it is hindering their reputation (“_____ is always late, you really can’t count on them”) then you probably need to talk to the person (how we do that will come in a later point).
Other passages for further study:
• Prov. 17:14
• I Peter 4:8
• Eph. 4:2
• Col 3:13
As always, I would love any feedback you may have
Monday, November 23, 2009
Own your own "stuff"
We will each examine our own faults before focusing on what others may have done wrong (Matt. 7:3-5).
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
A few observations:
• The context of these verses is not judging (in the same way you judge others you will be judged)
• The problem is not seeing a fault (speck) in another, it is not owning our own faults (log)
• We need to own and deal with our stuff first before being concerned with others.
So how do we do this practically? Here are a few thoughts:
• A key question to prayerfully consider is “how have I contributed to this problem and what do I need to do to resolve it”. Said another way, “ How can I show Jesus work in me by taking responsibility for my contribution to this conflict” (Peacemaker p. 75). We need to lay aside our own anger and spend some significant time with the Lord asking Him to reveal anything we need to own (Ps. 139:23-24)
• It may be helpful to ask others who are aware of the problem and who are willing to speak the truth in love to help us with this (we are often blind to our own issues). If you do this, please be sure you let the other person know you want their honest feedback and be ready to receive it without being defensive.
• Be committed to owning and dealing with whatever is revealed by confessing to the Lord and the other person. I have found these Seven A’s of confession (Peacemaker Ministries) very Helpful:
1. Address everyone involved
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe
3. Admit specifically what you have done (actions & attitudes)
4. Acknowledge the hurt you caused
5. Accept the consequences
6. Alter your behavior
7. Ask for forgiveness (and allow time)
I recently had an opportunity to apply these principles and it really worked. I look forward to seeing what God does as we put these principles into practice.
As always I would love any thoughts and feedback you may have!
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
A few observations:
• The context of these verses is not judging (in the same way you judge others you will be judged)
• The problem is not seeing a fault (speck) in another, it is not owning our own faults (log)
• We need to own and deal with our stuff first before being concerned with others.
So how do we do this practically? Here are a few thoughts:
• A key question to prayerfully consider is “how have I contributed to this problem and what do I need to do to resolve it”. Said another way, “ How can I show Jesus work in me by taking responsibility for my contribution to this conflict” (Peacemaker p. 75). We need to lay aside our own anger and spend some significant time with the Lord asking Him to reveal anything we need to own (Ps. 139:23-24)
• It may be helpful to ask others who are aware of the problem and who are willing to speak the truth in love to help us with this (we are often blind to our own issues). If you do this, please be sure you let the other person know you want their honest feedback and be ready to receive it without being defensive.
• Be committed to owning and dealing with whatever is revealed by confessing to the Lord and the other person. I have found these Seven A’s of confession (Peacemaker Ministries) very Helpful:
1. Address everyone involved
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe
3. Admit specifically what you have done (actions & attitudes)
4. Acknowledge the hurt you caused
5. Accept the consequences
6. Alter your behavior
7. Ask for forgiveness (and allow time)
I recently had an opportunity to apply these principles and it really worked. I look forward to seeing what God does as we put these principles into practice.
As always I would love any thoughts and feedback you may have!
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